|
Economist
Valentines
Top
economist Valentine's Day cards
4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points
without a corresponding dropoff in consumer
enthusiasm.
3. Let's raise housing starts together.
2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.
1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you
I
just had a dream about it
A
young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she
woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed
that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.
What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package
and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened
it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of
dreams".
I'm
sending out some cards
A
guy walks into a post office one day to see a
middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter
methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright
pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then
takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent
all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to
the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man
says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine
cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies
Dictionary
for women
Argument
(ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're
right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes
when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries,
washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the
onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up,
but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so
men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a
church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed
to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a
convenience store to go with a half pound bag of
peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a
football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall,
occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half
an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the
store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to
create a style you will never be able to duplicate
again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black
hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out
anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36
hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and
say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to
enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar,
coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning,
"to go somewhere and neck." After children,
a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient
for dating, marriage and children. See also
"tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes
off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off
if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you
have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and
romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card |
