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A
man forgot to buy turkey for Thanksgiving
It's
the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just
locking up when a man begins pounding on the front
door.
"Please let me in," says the man
desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my
wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."
"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see
what I have left." He goes into the freezer and
discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left.
He brings it out to show the man.
"That's one is too skinny. What else you
got?" says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and
waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back
out to the man.
"Oh, no," says the man, "That one
doesn't look any better. You better give me both of
them!"
The
football-playing turkey
The
pro football team had just finished their daily
practice session when a large turkey came strutting
onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement,
the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a
tryout.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass
after pass and ran right through the defensive line.
When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach
shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the
season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge
bonus."
"Forget the bonus," the turkey said,
"All I want to know is, does the season go past
Thanksgiving Day?"
Things
proven to change the course of Thanksgiving
1.
During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say,
"See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that
the turkey was four months past its expiration date.
You were worried for nothing."
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are
thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get
caught" and refuse to say anything more.
3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the
kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your
"shake" back to the table. Announce that
it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake
4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when
asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist
that no one leave or eat until you have finished the
speech.
5. Bring along old recorded football games and pop
them in the VCR when dad's not looking. Make sure it
is set to the last two minutes of the game when he
comes into the room, turn off the VCR, and then turn
on the regular TV.
6. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and
abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
Request that she bring photos.
The
blonde Thanksgiving dinner
It
was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving
dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the
tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone.
The next day, her mother called to see how everything
went.
"Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I
had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!"
said the daughter.
"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.
"I don't know," the blonde said. "It
wouldn't sit still!"
A
geek's list of thanks
1.
Be thankful you haven't been spammed!
2. Be thankful your computer isn't down!
3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn't down!
4. Be thankful you don't have The Good Times virus!
5. Be thankful your server isn't down!
6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to
browse!
7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are!
8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber sundae, and
you didn't gain a pound!
9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyberfriend really
isn't 72!
10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connection!
11. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll!
Thanksgiving
dinner prepared by kids
A
Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for
medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up
and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten
minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat
it.
Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you
put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and
cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are
out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it
in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80
degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.
Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you
cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
Shelby - Applesauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you
squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says,
"Applesauce". Then you eat it.
Meghan H. - Turkey
You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the
oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. you take it out and
let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.
Danny - Turkey
You put some salt on it to make it taste good. Then
you put it in the oven. Then you cook it for an hour
at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
Brandon - Turkey
First you buy it at Fred Meyer. Then you cut it up and
cook it for 15 hours at 200 degrees. Then you take it
out and eat it.
Megan K - Chicken
You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees
and put gravy on it and eat it.
Christa - Cookies
Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put
them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take
them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.
Irene - Turkey
Put it on a plate and put it in the oven with gravy.
You cook it for 1 minute and for 100 degrees. Then
it's all cooked. Your mom or dad cuts it and then eat.
Moriah - Turkey
First you cut the bones out. Then you put it in the
oven for 10 hours at 600 degrees. Then you put it on
the table and eat it.
Vincent - Turkey
You cut and put sauce on it. Then you cook it for 18
minutes at 19 degrees. Then you eat it with stuffing.
Jordyn - Turkey
First you have to cut it up and put it on a plate in
the oven for 9 minutes and 18 degrees. Then you dig it
out of the oven and eat it.
Grace - Turkey
First you add some salt. Then you put it in a bowl.
Then you put brown sugar on it. Then you mix it all
together with a spoon and then you add some milk and
mix it again. And then you put it in a pan. Then you
put it in the oven for 15 minutes and 16 degrees. Then
you take it out of the oven and then you eat it.
Alan - Turkey
First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then you
put it in the oven and cook it for 10 minutes and 20
degrees. You put it on plates and then you eat it.
Jordan Salvatore - Turkey
First you put it in the oven for 15 minutes at 100
degrees. Then you cut it up and then you eat it.
Jordan Simons - Chocolate Pudding
Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk.
Then you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then
you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get
hard. Then you eat it.
Whitney - Turkey
Cut it and put it in the oven for 50 minutes at 60
degrees and then you eat it.
Jason - Chicken Pie
Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and
cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together.
Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again.
Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you
eat it.
Christopher - Pumpkin Pie
First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all
done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4
degrees. Then you eat it.
Christine - Turkey
First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours
and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.
Ashley - Chicken
Put it in the oven. Then cut it up. Then I eat it.
Jennie - Corn
My mom buys it. Then you throw it. Then you cook it.
Then you eat it.
Jordan - Cranberry Pie
Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it.
Then you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then you
eat it.
Adam - Pumpkin Pie
First you put pumpkin seeds in it. Put it in a pan and
bake it at 5 degrees for 6 minutes. Then take it out
and eat it.
Jarryd - Deer Jerky
Put it in the oven overnight at 20 degrees. Then you
go hunting and bring it with you. Then you eat it.
Christina - Turkey
Get the turkey. Put it in the oven. Cook it for 43
minutes at 35 degrees. Put it on a plate, cut it up,
then eat it.
Joplyn - Apple Pie
Take some apples, mash them up. Take some bread and
make a pie with it. Get some dough and squish it.
Shape the dough into a pie shape. Put the apples in
it. Then bake it at 9 degrees for 15 minutes.
Isabelle - Spaghetti
Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in
it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8
degrees.
Bailey - Chicken
Put pepper and spices on it. Cook for one hour at 60
degrees. Then eat it.
Nicholas - White and Brown Pudding
First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water.
Stir. Then you eat it.
Sean - Turkey
Put it in the oven for 5 minutes at 55 degrees. Take
it out and eat it.
Lauren - Turkey
First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it open. Put
it in a pan. Pour milk in the pan. Put a little
chicken with it. Put salsa on it. Take out of pan. Put
it on the board. Cut into little pieces. Put on a
rack. Put in the oven for 7 minutes at 10 degrees.
Take out of the oven and put eensy weensy bit of sugar
on it. Put a little more salsa on it. Then you eat it.
Olivia - Corn
Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes.
Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.
Siera - Pumpkin Pie
Get some pumpkin and dough for the crust. Get pumpkin
pie cinnamon. Cook it for 20 minutes at 10 degrees.
Kayla - Turkey
Buy it. Take it home. Then you cook it. Put it in the
oven for 1 hour. Take it out of the oven. Put it on a
plate. Then you eat it.
Tommy - Pumpkin
Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the pumpkin.
Wai - Pumpkin Pie
Get a pumpkin. Cook it. Eat it.
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