Humor Collection

Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"

A practical medicine exam. The first co-ed walks in. 
Professor:
- Spit here. How, take the microscope and tell me what that is?
- It's sperm, professor.
- You flunk!!! Next!
Next students walk in and the same question with the same sample is 

asked. 
Those answering "Spit" get "A", those saying "Sperm" get "F". After the 

last student has gone, professor decides to look at the sample himself. 

He finds a chunk of sperm, runs out of the room, and cries to the last 

student:
- It's sperm! Those who had "A" will have "F", those with "F" get "A" and 

tell that first student to brush her teeth in the morning!

What is Bill Clinton favorite instrument?
A sexaphone!

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear. 

Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them. 

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and

Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to

put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."Janet responded, "Just because I 

am esthetically challenged (that's "politically correct" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off 

unwelcome sexual advances”.
Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and 

squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can.

"That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start

to stir, and knew that he would be want some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was 

readyfor him.
She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and says, "Janet, is that you?"
 

A man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage where the walls were covered with clocks. He 

asked the woman who owned the cottage what all the clocks were for. 
She replied that God had given her them, that everyone in the world had a clock, and every time you told 

a lie your clock advanced a second. 
He saw a clock that was hardly moving and when he remarked about it he was told that it was Mother

Teresa's. He then asked where Bill Clinton's clock was. 
The woman replied, "It's in the kitchen, we're using it as a ceiling fan”.
 

A professor teaching medicine at the university was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar

of yellow-colored liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, 

smell, sight, and taste." 
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in

amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and 

one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth. 
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you

would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth." 
Lesson learned! 
 

Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.

What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde’s ear? Data transfer.
 

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag. 
 

President French-Fry was out jogging when a hooker standing on the corner hailed him. 
"Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!" 
"No, no." Bill replied with a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept on jogging. 
This exchange soon became a part of the President's normal routine. Each day as he'd approach the 

corner, the hooker would yell out, "Hey Mr. President...Fifty Bucks!" and Bill would holler back, "No, Five

Bucks!" 
Well, one day, Hillary decided she wanted to go jogging with Bill. As they neared the corner, Bill suddenly

realized what a terrible scene was about to happen.
Sure enough, there was the hooker, and just like all the other times she smiled and waved and yelled out,

"Hey Mr. President...See what you get for Five Bucks?"

Hillary and Chelsea are sitting around the table having a mother/daughter talk.
"So, Chelsea," says her mother”, you’ve been going to college for a while now. Have you had sex yet?"
"Well," says Chelsea, "not according to Dad”.

A lesson of history. The teacher ask the kids:
- Who took Bastilia?
No one answers. She gets angry and yells at them:
- You are going to tell me who took Bastilia!
Meanwhile the director of the school is passing by.
- Don'tcha get mad at them poor kids, they will play with it for a while and put it back, your Bastilia!
 

Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: Penicillin.
 

Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: a foursome. 
 

An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of 

another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too 

much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble. When you rearrange the letters: 
Dormitory .................................. Dirty Room 
Evangelist................................. Evil's Agent 
Desperation.............................. A Rope Ends It 
The Morse Code..................... Here Come Dots 
Slot Machines......................... Cash Lost in 'em 
Animosity................................ Is No Amity 
Mother-in-law..........................Woman Hitler 
Snooze Alarms........................ Alas! No More Z's 
Alec Guinness......................... Genuine Class 
Semolina................................... Is No Meal 
The Public Art Galleries......... Large Picture Halls, I Bet 
A Decimal Point...................... I'm a Dot in Place 
The Earthquakes.................... That Queer Shake 
Eleven plus two..................... Twelve plus one 
Contradiction......................... Accord not in it 
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA......................... TO COPULATE 

HE FINDS INTERNS 
  

THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.Walks on water.
Gives policy to God. 
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.Talks with God. 
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.
Talks with God if a special request is honored. 
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a Quonset hut. Loses tug of war with a locomotive. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God. 
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings. Is run over by locomotives.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. Treads water. Talks to animals. 

INSTRUCTOR
Climbs walls continually. Rides the rails. Plays Russian Roulette. Walks on thin ice. Prays a lot. 
GRADUATE STUDENT
Runs into buildings. Recognizes locomotives two out of three times.
Is not issued ammunition. Can stay afloat with a life jacket. Talks to walls. 
UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings. Says "Look at the choo-choo".
Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to himself THE DEPARTMENT 

SECRETARY
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them. Kicks locomotives off the track. Catches speeding bullets 

in her teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance.
She IS God. 

Vovochka comes home and says he blew up a flask in his chemistry lab at school. Next evening he 

says he blew up a chair under his teacher.

Next evening he handles his father a note asking him to visit the school.

Farther says he doesn't give a damn.
- You are right, dad, what can you do with a pile of rubble like that.

Red Ring Around Clinton's Collar

While undressing for bed one night, good ole Bill notices something like a red rash around his you know 

what. Alarmed, he thinks, "I can't let Hillary see this!" He makes an appointment to see his doctor at 

Bethesda Naval Hospital, the very next day. "Doc," he says, "I've got this red ring around my, you know.

What is it and how do I get rid of it?" The doctor says, "Well, I'm not exactly sure what it is, but take 

these pills for a week, and see if that takes care of it. If not, come back and we'll try something else." 

Bill takes the pills for a week but unfortunately, the red ring is still there after 7 days. He goes back to 

the doctor and tells him the pills didn't help. So the doctor prescribes another medication,

capsules this time, and gives him the same instructions. Take them for a week, and come back if it's not

improved. He takes the capsules for a week, and damn, the red ring is still there! So he goes back to 

the doctor and asks,"What next?" The doctor gives him a cream in a tube this time.

"Rub this on every day for a week and let me know."Bill goes back in a week and says, "Great news 

Doc! The rash is gone! That stuff in the tubewas wonderful! What was it?" 
The doctor replied, "Lipstick remover." 

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