Humor Fishing

Catching the bear

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

Hunting with a wife

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Inn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" 
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." 
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. 
"My wife." 

I have a question

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothing'." 

I marked the spot

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, 
"Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow." 
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?" 
His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." 
The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?" 

Need fishing licenses

A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush's jumped the Game Warden !!
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.
After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
"Lets see yer fishing license, Boy !!" the Warden gasped. 
With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.||3galr3pr0duct|on0fa!h!a!j0k3s
"Well, son", said the Game Warden, " You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks !! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes Sir", replied the young feller," But my friend back there, well, he don't have one"...

Pessimist and a dog

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. 
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

Safe to swim here?

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted," Are there any gators around here?!" 
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" 
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. 
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" 
"We didn't do nothing'," the beachcomber said. 
"The sharks got 'em." 

Want to be healed?

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. 
When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, "I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?" 
"Of course," the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years. 
The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. 
When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively -- "Don't touch me!" he cried, "I'm on a disability pension." 

We go bear hunting

Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT" so they went home. 

Where is my goat?

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! 
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie." 

Business and fishing

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. 
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. 
"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!" 
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?" 
"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer. 
"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling. 
The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again. 
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said. 
"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman. 
The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!" 
Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?" 
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!" 
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"