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All sorts of reason many use the men for cheat their
wife. With the reason to be reason meeting, entertains
the guests and etc, every night he always can went out
from home without make his wife suspicious.
But in one night, that man go home with tired
condition and he straight sleep. At the morning he
wake up and hurry wearing his clothes.
"Where are you want to go to?" ask his wife
surprised.
"Go Home" answer her husband still a half to
doze off." My wife will suspicious because I'm
back overtaken by daylight."
"What?" his wife surprised." I'm your
wife!"
"Hah?"
Newly
Married Couple
A young man that will married come to furniture
shop to buy a bed.
"I find a good bed" said him to the shopkeeper,"
and the important must be strong!"
"All in this shop guarantee high quality and
strong," answer the shopkeeper.
"Okay, but three month again sent the same bed to
my house. My bed that I buy already
broken!"
"Broken? Impossible!" answer the shopkeeper.
"Why Not? You must be understand, I'm the newly
married couple.
3
Guys and a Dildo Shop
Three guys go into a store... the first guy buys a wood dildo, the second guy buys a glass dildo, and the third guy buys a 25-foot long dildo.
The next day the first guy comes back with the wooden dildo and says, "I want to return this dildo... it gave my wife splinters."
The second guy comes back with the glass dildo and says, "I want to return this dildo... it broke off in my wife and now there is glass in my wife."
The third guy comes back with the 25-foot long dildo. The cashier says, "Lemme guess you want to return your dildo?"
The guy says, "Hell no!! This thing is great!! See that girl in the corner over there? Bang!! Got her!"
69 Tips for Sex!
The secret word for great sex is spontaneity. Be spontaneous and don't plan everything out or pencil her in for an appointment! Pick her up and sit her on the sink when she is in the bathroom fixing her hair... OR... grab her arm when she walks by you in the hallway and lean her against the wall! She will be bragging to her friends the next day about you!
Use three fingers, it works, one on the g spot, one inside, and leave the third to roam. It works!
While performing oral sex, take your tongue and lick from the back through the anus to the clit then to the belly button and that will make her quiver and like you
Tip for men: Tell her what you want her to do to you... but don't order her around. Whisper to her how you want it... its a turn on and it helps us to please you.
A woman loves to be touched -- not roughly but slow and gently. Start up top and work your way down. Make sure you are touching skin since she can't feel you through her clothes.
And
Old Man's Gift
An elderly man entered a car agency with his young wife. The owner of the agency spotted the couple and went over to wait upon them himself. He couldn't help but stare at the lady, which, of course, the elderly man noticed.
"May I propose a wager," said the elderly man. "If you can do everything to my wife that I can do and still end up the way I do, I will pay you double for the car. But if you cannot, you will give it to me for free!"
"Okay, agreed!" said the agency owner.
The elderly man gave his wife a passionate kiss, then the agency owner did the same. Then the elderly man unbuttoned her blouse and kissed her breasts. So did the agency owner. Then the husband opened his fly, pulled out his pecker, and bent it in half.
"What color car do you want?" asked the agency owner.
Anything
A forester is very much bored with his job in the forest mountains. He is bored because he hasn't had sex for many years. He decides to go down to the valley to look for females. Before going down, he promises himself to have sex with the first female he should meet on the way. He then embarks on his journey and in a short time happens upon a female horse.
He just can't control his urge for sex, so he says to himself , "I'll fuck this horse because I just can't wait anymore."
He chases and chases and chases the horse but cannot catch it. While chasing, he hears a voice crying for help. He immediately runs to the source of the voice, where he sees a man trying to rape a woman. He hurries to help her and is successful.
In return for his heroic behavior, the woman says, "For saving me from that sex maniac, name your price, and I'll pay it. Anything. I mean, anything."
The man replies, "Really? Are you sure? Anything?"
When the woman says yes, he excitedly says, "Come on, help me chase that horse!"
Apples
and Oranges
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
Big-game Hunter High Tech Milking Machine
Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
Big
Games Hunter
The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal’s skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.
This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And it was shot with a .22 rifle."
He was right! The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.
He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion." Fingering the bullet hole, he added, "The rifle was a .308."
He was right again! This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didn’t get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?"
His wife replied angrily, "From me!"
"What did I do?" he asked.
She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, 'Skunk, killed with an ax!'"
Blind
Date
A young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.
"What would you like to do next?" he asked.
"I wanna be weighed," she said.
So the young man took her over to the weight guesser.
"One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.
"I wanna be weighed," she said.
He really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"
"Wousy," said the girl.
Bubbles
Two girls and a guy are trespassing in a farmers field, and the farmer catches them, and decides to take them to court. During the next month, they go to court, and the farmers lawyer asks the first girl.
"What were you doing during the time you was inside that field."
The girl replies... "i was blowing bubbles."
The next girl was asked the exact same question, and she replied:
"Blowing bubbles"
The lawyer then goes on to the man and says "let me guess, you were blowing bubbles too."
And the man replies:
"No, i am bubbles!"
Cars
One day little Johny was playing in the mud. When his father came home Johny asked him if he could take a shower with him.
"Sure", said his father.
When they were in the shower Johny asked his father "What's that?"
His father said that it was his Chevrolet.
Little johny asked "what's mine then?"
His father said that his was his toyota.
Johny did the same with his mother. She told him that her pussy was her garage.
That night a thunderstorm came through. Johny got scared and asked if he could sleep with his parents.
They said yes and Johny jumped in bed.
Johny's father said "Move over son, I'm gonna put my Chevrolet in your mothers garage."
Little Johny said "Sorry dad, but I already have my toyota in there."
Chemistry
Set
A father came home and asked where his son was. His wife replied that he was downstairs playing with his new chemistry set. The father was curious, so he wandered downstairs to see what his son was doing. As he walked down the steps, he heard a banging sound. When he got to the bottom he saw his son pounding a nail into the wall. He aid to his son, "What are you doing? I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?"
His son replied, "This isn't a nail, Dad, it's a worm. I put these chemicals on it and it became as hard as a rock."
His dad thought about it for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what, Son, give me those chemicals and I'll give you a new Volkswagen."
His son quite naturally said, "Sure why not."
The next day his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. Just then his dad walked in. He asked his father where his Volkswagen was. His dad replied, "It's right there behind the Mercedes. By the way, the Mercedes is from your mother."
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